Dan and I are so excited to share that Baby Ballesteros is a girl!! We had the gender of the baby written inside an envelope that my doctor gave me a week before Christmas. We decided that Christmas morning was the perfect day to find out our news. We had a cozy morning by our fireplace and the first thing we did before exchanging our gifts to each other was open the envelope. We set up our cell phone on a tri-pod so we could video our reactions and we were so overjoyed to open it up to it saying “girl!” I’d like to say that we were surprised but both of us just kind of knew (and hoped) that we would have a girl. That night, we did a gender reveal for my family and on New Year’s Eve we did one for Dan’s family.
If you read my previous blog post about our baby journey, you know the struggle and the heartache we went through these last 5 years of waiting for our miracle to come. But through it all we held on to the hope and truth that God knows our desires and knows what’s best for us. I believe with all my heart that God hears our prayers and speaks to us. He can even speak to us through different people we may come in contact with through our life.
About 10 or 11 years ago, before Dan and I wanted to start a family, we attended a prophetic conference. We went to the front of the room to get prayed for and the man that prayed for us asked if we had any children. We kind of chuckled to ourselves and said “not yet, but someday we would like to.” We were in our early 20’s and having children was a desire of ours but far from our current thought life. He then proceeded to say with confidence, “well I see you having two kids, a boy and girl, and the first one will be a little girl.” Then he looked at me and said “and she’s going to be your little buddy.” We smiled and tucked away those words as a nice thought and something to look forward to in the future. At this specific conference they would record the sessions on cassette tapes (cassette tapes, I know 😆) and give it to the people that received prayer that day. We went home with that tape and put it in small box in our storage. Little did I know that years later that little cassette tape would serve as a huge source of hope for me.
I’ve been through a fair amount of heartache in my life. I’ve lost loved ones to tragedies and faced many trials and hardships. But there is something about experiencing infertility for a long period of time that’s so difficult, and unless you’ve experienced it yourself, so hard to explain. There’s a feeling of hopelessness and emptiness that is so hard to overcome. We all go through heartache and difficulties in life and we all experience things differently, but for me, it’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to go through in my life. All the hopes and dreams I had for my life included a family and the thought of not being able to have that broke my heart. At times I would wonder if God could hear me, wondered if He really did want to give me the desires of my heart. It would crush me to hear about people having abortions and people that accidentally got pregnant and were not planning it. It confused me and drove me crazy trying to figure out the “why’s.”
During the last 5 years I held on to every ounce of hope that I could. My prayer life at times was just simply, “God I just need a little hope right now.” At times I felt like God would remind me about that cassette tape and the words that I believe He gave that man to speak to us. I remember a couple years ago scrambling to find a cassette player so I could play the tape we had tucked away, and it gave me an extra dose of hope to get me through a season. In addition to our cassette tape, I’ve had close friends and family members come to me with dreams and visions of us having a family and I held on to every single word. I also had a few dreams throughout the years and all of this led to a strong feeling that we would be having a little girl. When we opened up that envelope on Christmas morning we smiled and hugged each other, and then I just started crying. I’ve just been blown away and humbled by God’s faithfulness in this whole journey. He hears us, He loves us, knows our desires, and knows our needs. I’m so excited to meet our baby girl and I can’t wait to share with her what a miracle she is and how long we waited for her. God has something pretty special in store for her life and I can’t wait to watch her grow into the beautiful person He’s called her to be.